Happy Holidays!

It's been a great holiday week together! 

We've been staying at Luke and Leanna's apartment while they are in Colorado. 

We've been staying busy going to the clinic almost everyday. 

We went to Waco to spent Christmas with my Grammie, aunt & uncle, cousins and a whole lot of my cousins' kiddos. It was a very merry time with family. 

We ate yummy Korean food last night at a fancy place called Il Song garden. It was a fun date night. 

Tyler is quite the runner now! He is very disciplined with his half marathon training. He has been running out at the clinic property while I have my treatments. He ran 7 miles today, which is about 22 laps around the looped road! I'm so proud of him. 

We've been invited to a poker party for New Year's Eve at Michele's house. Looking forward to saying adios to 2013. Bleh. What a year. 

I've really turned a corner with how much better I am doing. I've noticed a big change in my energy level and how much better my back is doing. I am no longer disabled. I can help carry in all of our stuff when we move from place to place. I can stand and have conversations without my back locking up. Up until today, I have only been able to walk a third of the way around the loop at the clinic. Today I walked a full lap! It's only ~.33 miles but it's still a huge milestone! My energy levels are exponentially greater. I can go and go all day. It's crazy to remember how horribly fatigued I used to be. I am able to travel, it was a big deal for me to make the trip to Waco! It's taken 3 months to get to this point! I take nothing for granted. I was filled with such gratitude to be able to take a 1/3 mile stroll with my Tomtom. There are so many little things I have been too sick to do for years now and I celebrate every little achievement on this road to wellness. 

I'm still detoxing. I still feel like I have a mild flu most of the time. I've had a flare up if headaches this week. I've had a couple nights of insomnia this week. I have pain and soreness in my ribs near my liver. It's all still bearable though. 

We are so grateful for all the support and generous Christmas presents from friends and family. I have my next hyberbaric treatment tomorrow!

Christmas fun with my cousins' kids:

Digging into some yummy kim chi pancake:

Too much food, lol:

Tyler cooling down after his 7 mi run today:

My fortune cookie fortune, very applicable!! Excited to ring in a new year full of positivity and gratitude!

A Miracle

Monday morning, I woke up with a whopper of a headache. The last time I had one of this magnitude was back in September. That headache in September, sent me to the ER and inspired my very first blog post, "Rock Bottom".

Normally when one of those freight train headaches hits, I am in panic. The pain is through the roof, I am pacing, screaming, crying, and banging my head into the wall, trying to interrupt the explosive pain. I scarf down as many drugs as I safely can, desperate to abort the headache. What always happens, is despite all the drugs, I wind up at urgent care or the ER.  Then they give me more drugs and send me home, incredibly hungover and woozy for 3 days. 

Yesterday was different. 

I got up and called Melissa and told her I was in bad shape. I did a coffee enema and took a magnesium bath before driving myself to the clinic. I don't know how I did those things in that much pain. 

When I got to the clinic, I had two colonics and four more coffee enemas. I took a lot of calcium, magnesium, omega oil and potassium. I rested in a dark room with Tomtom all afternoon. They took great care of me and never left me alone. I was terrified I would do something out of painful desperation to hurt myself. 

The headache was gone by 6pm. GONE. I stayed at the clinic for their Monday night meeting at 7 then drove myself home at 9. 

I still can't believe it. It is truly a miracle. They aborted my "unstoppable freight train" cluster headache with minerals, a supplement, enemas and colonics and a lot of faith. I did not take ANY headache medicine. I still can't believe that. 

Luke was standing by to come pick me up at any time and take me to urgent care. At any time, I could have popped a Maxalt or Vicodin or phenergan or Zomig or pentazocine or...... 

Though I was in horrible pain most of the day, something kept me there at the clinic, instead of giving in and going to urgent care. That same intuition kept me from reaching into my purse and begin desperately popping the pills. I have come this far, why would God abandon me now? 

I'm still trying to process what happened Monday. Normally the headache aftermath is full of deep depression and wondering why my life is worth living. This headache's aftermath is one of shock and astonishment. I am finally free. I feel like Edmond Dantes running around on the beach after tunneling out of Chateau d'If. I have been freed from the prison of pain, drugs and doctors. I'm no longer getting sicker and sicker but better. 

Thank you God. 

9 Weeks Done...bam.

I've completed 9 weeks of treatment today! BOOYAH. 

I have been feeling pretty good since Friday, so that's 4 good days in a row. Whoa. Can't believe it. 

I still have fatigue and pain but it's bearable, not excruciating. 

Something that helped me a lot was doing a hyperbaric oxygen treatment on Thursday. The treatment forces oxygen into all of your cells through increased pressure. It promotes healing and helps your body purge toxins and parasites. It took 2 hours and I was under 3 atmospheres (like scuba diving 66 feet under the surface) of pressure. I read and listened to music to pass the time. I plan on having a second session this Thursday. 

I am feeling more and more like myself. Since I am slowly gaining more "good days", I have able to do more things that I enjoy like read and watch movies. It's a very good sign that I am feeling bored more and more! It's a crazy feeling to start living again instead of just coping all of the time. 

I am so so grateful to the friends and family who had to talk me down numerous times over these past 9 hellish weeks. I wanted to quit so badly. I am so glad I didn't :)

I miss home. I miss Athens. I miss my hubby. I miss my Huckledoodle. I miss my friends. It's been hard to be away this festive time of year. Our 7th wedding anniversary is Monday. I hate that we will be apart for the first time on our anniversary. Very good news is Tyler's coming back here for Christmas on the 21st so we can celebrate then. I just keep telling myself, "This is temporary and this is so worth it."

I have been learning from Michele's book and the Monday night meetings at the clinic about how poisoning negative thoughts are. They poison our minds and our bodies. Negative thoughts are as detrimental to my health as the toxic metals I am detoxing! The physical pain literally increases when I entertain negative thoughts. You cannot put new wine into old wine skins (Matt 9:16), it will ruin both! I am changing, being made new and healthy and happy from the inside out, starting with my heart and brain. 

Grateful

So so grateful to have my hubby here and spend Thanksgiving with family. The food was uuuuhhmazing. 

Tomtom was grateful someone left the backyard gate open so he and Mfupi could disappear and go on a deer hunting adventure (and give me a heartattack!). 

Wearing Grandma Taliaferro's apron. Missed her so much today. 

Something to Blog About...

 Ughhhh. Please say a prayer for my back. I'm trying my best to rest and stay out of urgent care. My sciatic nerve is being pinched. There are waves of burning pain shooting down my left leg into my calf. I can't walk or sit. I'm hoping a disc hasn't been re-injured. Hopefully with rest, the inflamation will subside and the nerve will relax. 

  ...Now that I think about it, this could also be the nerve roots detoxing. After I tore two discs a year ago, I had 3 rounds of transforaminal steroid injections to help with the pain. The could be my nerve roots freaking out as they heal. Who knows what else was in those injections besides the steroid??? God, I hope that's what this is...

 Anyway, to help me get around the house and clinic, Luke got me a walker from Walmart. It helps a lot but I feel so embarrassed to shuffle around with it. Guess it's better than being bed ridden. 

  There's a winter storm watch here in S.Tx! So crazy. Here's a pic of Tomtom responding to me telling him it's time to go outside in the freezing rain so he can potty: 

Doing Aiiiight.

So I'm feeling ok. I was all geared up for intestinal WWIII and not much has changed. 

My mood has improved, I still have some swings but not nearly as bad as this past weekend. 

I've had some intestinal cramping today but nothing horrible. 

So...yeah. Haha. A boring blog post is a good sign! So here's a weather report: Winter has arrived in SA! It's 34°! Fahrenheit! Brrrr. 

Tyler arrives on Monday, yay! The 3 of us are staying at a woman's house from church. She doesn't know us, all she knew is we needed somewhere to stay for 8 days so she opened her home. Again I find myself dumbfounded at the generousity of strangers. 

One last random tidbit: I bought a negative ion bracelet at the clinic's health food store on Monday night and all I know is everynight since, I have been sleeping like a baby and when I wake up, my muscles no longer scream at me like I ran an ultra marathon the day prior. Maybe it's a placebo or black magic, but I'm sharing the gospel. If I could, I would buy one for every one of my loved ones, but alas I cannot. If you would like me to buy one for you, please let me know. The clinic store sells them for $40 when they should be selling them for $99 (http://www.endevr.com/products/elite-series-bracelet). OK, the PSA is over ;)

Going to the Mattresses

   I had a colonic today and it helped me to feel a bit better. The depression has improved. I still cry all the time for no reason and then laugh and cry at the same time like I'm insane. The joint and muscle pain is bad but only in my quads, calves, knees and ankles. 

   The clinic calls the crazy emotion fluxes "Parasite Personality" which just means you feel absolutely insane because your body is dumping (purging) dead parasites. I have seen an increase of parasites in my stool over the past few days. So gross. But at least they're dying and getting the heck out of my body. 

(If you have a strong stomach, you can see what the parasites look like here: http://www.superstock.com/stock-photos-images/4179-17824

Or here: http://www.savalli.us/BIO385/Diversity/05.PlatyhelminthesImages/DogTapewormPresL.jpg)

   Today I met with the director, Melissa. She said my urinary and saliva tests continue to show progress and my kidneys and liver are functioning well. It's a mystery as to how or why I am dumping so many parasites because I am not taking anything to detox me. I am only taking some mineral supplements e.g. calcium and potassium. She took me off of anything that would kill and purge parasites weeks ago in repeated efforts to slow down the detoxing because I reacted *too* well and got too sick and was detoxing too fast. 

   My body has its own agenda, it seems. So instead of futilely trying to stop or slow down the detox, Melissa wants to help it, i.e. crank it up. ...gulp... We are going to follow my body's lead and pull out the 'big guns' of supplements to seriously purge these demon worm invaders and toxic metals. Tomorrow I will begin taking vidanga (intestinal worm killing herb from India) and a heavy metal detoxing supplement. I will have 3 straight days of colonic appointments. And I will hold on for dear life for the next 72 hours...

Tough Weekend

I had a difficult weekend. I can't stop crying. I'm very homesick. My skin is crawling. My joints and body ache and ache. I'm paranoid and easily angered and horribly depressed. 

I want to quit. I want this torture to end. 

I had a dream last night that I was back in high school, one month away from graduating. It was a Sunday night and I was gripped with panic, anxiety and this intense dread about simply returning to school on Monday morning. It was so bad, I was trying to find a way out and just quit school all together. I finally said to myself, "You have one month left. You can't quit and throw the entire year away and not graduate. It would be so stupid to stop now!" I felt calmer and more resolved and then I woke up.

I keep telling myself that: IT WOULD BE SO STUPID TO STOP NOW. 

I know it's the truth but I cry and scream and fight to keep going and I still feel horrible. 

Praying and begging for easier days and for whatever is poisoning my body to give up and GET OUT. 

Bye Bye Botox

   Today I was supposed to receive my tenth round of Botox injections. It felt so good to call and tell the neurologists' office that I won't be coming in. I was practically giddy.

   It's like a bad joke: I have been going to that office since 2005 and I got worse and worse and worse under their expert care. It's so freeing to not have to go back to be tortured by those doctors and nurse practitioners. I feel like I've escaped from prison. I feel as free as Andy Dufresne...

   I'm still having bad nerve pain. When I sleep on my back, I wake up with both my arms completely numb so I turn on my side but that causes pain in my hips and back. I suspect all this nerve and muscle pain is my body purging 279 individual Botox injections from the past 27 months. I have also had various nerve blocks, trigger point injections, and 3 rounds of excruciating transforaminal (spine nerve root) injections to reduce back pain from torn discs.

   I have a lot of poisons to purge!

Here's some pics from the past week:

The clinic property is beautiful. 

My lil pumpkin

Tt loves the wind in his hair:

http://instagram.com/p/gmaADXBfBv/

Muy Bueno

   I'm typing this sitting outside in the backyard, enjoying the brisk 65° weather and drinking mint tea. Tomtom is romping around, guarding the yard from pesky squirrels and massive feral cats. It's so nice to sit and enjoy these moments that are no longer polluted with pain. 

   Lots of good news: I completed four weeks (!) of treatment and I have been feeling much better. Some days I wiped and fatigued and some days I feel manic and full of energy. Some days I have moderate headaches and bad nausea. I have been sleeping much better. My appetite has returned. Some days I wake up with anxiety but overall my mood has drastically improved. It's amazing to not be tormented with headaches all day, every day. I'm no longer panicked and terrified to be alone. I no longer suspect the clinic is trying to kill me, lol. 

   Some minorly bad news: Every day, I do have nerve and muscle pain all over my body. Some nights, it keeps me awake. My back pain flares up if I stand too long. 

   Though I'm in pain, I'm able to drive myself to the clinic. I love feeling well enough to hang with my roommates and go to church and go to the clinic's Monday night meeting and meet new people. 

   I had dinner at a woman's house from church who was treated by the clinic about 10 years ago. She had mercury poisoning and was very sick. She's healed now. She works and has a family. 

   As I improve and get better, I have started to think about the future and shudder when I remember the past, especially the very recent past. 

   Someone asked me what specifically I am being treated for at the clinic. I couldn't answer her because when I tried to explain what cluster headaches are and how dangerously excruitiating the pain is, I couldn't get the words out. I began to gag and feel nauseous. It's hard to explain, but I was physically unable to dwell in the nightmarish past, even if for a moment. 

   Though I still have pain and feel lousy, I am no l longer that person. I no longer live in constant fear of the next cluster attack. I am slowly becoming unguarded. I am no longer like a wounded animal, unpredictable and vicious. I no longer spend all day wishing for death. 

   This new person I'm becoming is foreign to me. I haven't dreamed about or planned the future in years. It's exciting and scary. It blows my mind when I realize I'm no longer spending 24 hrs a day overwhelmed and consumed with pain. 

   I'm slightly overwhelmed to try to imagine what I will do with all this new time on my hands! Tyler and I could travel and just do things with friends like normal people do. I could get a job and I could have a family. Seriously mind blowing stuff...

   Tomorrow I have a big dentist appointment to remove half of the mercury (amalgam) fillings in my mouth (the other half will be removed in a second appt in two weeks). I feel a little nervous about it.  Luke's driving me to the dentist and then my cousin Nate is driving me to the clinic later in the evening. I need them to drive me because I'm worried I'll be in rough shape after having a bunch of dental work done. 

   I'm debating on how much to divulge regarding the slew of nasty toxic waste that has been coming out of my body... I will have to think about it some more.

   Thank you for the prayers, calls, texts, cards, emails and encouragement. It seriously lifted me out of a very dark few weeks. 

   Onto month #2! Can't believe it!