It's difficult for me to blog because it's painful to force myself to sit and analyze and reflect. It's much easier to allow myself to sink into my monotonous routine and not think.
I'm in a holding pattern. I feel so unhappy here. I wish so badly I could go home, even for a weekend. I don't know when I'll see Tyler next and I don't know when I'll be done here.
I'm hoping soon. But nothing definite yet. I dream about that day I'll be told, "You're good to go!" I'll probably jump up and just start running home!
There's no doubt that I'm progressing and the treatments are working and I need to be here for the time being, but I struggle greatly with how endless it feels.
I'm still detoxing a crazy amount of metal and parasites. It's ridiculous how much crap is coming out.
I hold on to the undeniable progress I've made. When I came here, I couldn't even stand long enough to take a shower, walking was out of the question! Just a little over a year ago, the orthopedist was telling me I would need "multiple fusion surgeries" for the back pain. Now Tomtom and I walk a mile almost everyday WITH HILLS. I was having horrible migraines and cluster headaches EVERYDAY. The ER visits were becoming as frequent as every two weeks. It would take 12 drugs to stop the cluster headache. Now I get a migraine about every 10 days (!). If the pain is bad enough, I will take a half dose of Maxalt and it zaps the headache completely within 20 minutes. Crazy.
I have weaned off of every drug except gabapentin, which was prescribed by the pain doc for the back pain. I'll be off it within two weeks. I have been wracking my brain, trying to remember a time I was NOT on any daily meds... maybe middle school?
Huck got to go home to GA this weekend, I'm hoping it will be my turn very soon. Fingers crossed.
Oh, sweet Emily, I sure wish I could walk, talk, hug, pray with you. I know you are growing so strong and healthy and grateful and TUFF! love you lots, mom
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