Tough Weekend

I had a difficult weekend. I can't stop crying. I'm very homesick. My skin is crawling. My joints and body ache and ache. I'm paranoid and easily angered and horribly depressed. 

I want to quit. I want this torture to end. 

I had a dream last night that I was back in high school, one month away from graduating. It was a Sunday night and I was gripped with panic, anxiety and this intense dread about simply returning to school on Monday morning. It was so bad, I was trying to find a way out and just quit school all together. I finally said to myself, "You have one month left. You can't quit and throw the entire year away and not graduate. It would be so stupid to stop now!" I felt calmer and more resolved and then I woke up.

I keep telling myself that: IT WOULD BE SO STUPID TO STOP NOW. 

I know it's the truth but I cry and scream and fight to keep going and I still feel horrible. 

Praying and begging for easier days and for whatever is poisoning my body to give up and GET OUT.